What shall I say Lord, my vain repetitions no longer seem adequate for the tremendous burden I endure. I look in the mirror and see the wrinkled brow and dark circles below my eyes, battle scars from many battles fought, but very few victories.
My mind in constant motion remembering childhood friends and the times of my life where the word 'happy' existed. Friends, who some have since passed away. People that were the threads that made my life's tapestry. We cannot change who we are or where we've been and our adversary delights in the knowledge, that we can't seem to ever let go of the past.
I thank God that I've been given challenges in my life, have I embraced them...rarely. The saying goes ' what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.' If this were true I'd be Sampson! God wants to test your Faith. Maybe, just maybe, he knows you can't stand a tremendous trial, so the one he's given you is a trial of longevity.
Do you keep praying, honoring his Word, praising him when everything you want from life has dried up and blown away? This is the way he starts to filter out all the uglies and gives you a nature and character like his own.
It hurts deep inside when you realize the lives you've affected in the journey of selfishness that's been your life, somewhere when the innocence of childhood ended and the god of selfishness raised its ugly head, you forgot God. Thank you Jesus, you never forgot me! I believe through it all, the heartaches, the hopeless feelings, the what ifs, could ofs or should ofs, lies a kindred spirit, that God sees and has a great plan for. When all you see is darkness, he sees a battle hardened warrior!
As much as I've hated my trials, I give God the Glory, because he could have already called me home, but he's building himself someone who's felt great anguish and who's felt hurt that only his Son can repair. God knew what he was doing the moment I cried breath into my lungs, he knew the process would be a lengthy one, but he also knew the finished work would bring him great Honor and Glory.
When your life seems absolutely hopeless, and no one seems to have a solution to deliver you...say Lord I've said everything my heart holds and you've said everything in the darkness will be brought into the light and truly Dear God my soul lays before you, cleanse me Father and create in me a pure heart. I pray Jesus' blood will wash me white as snow and you mighty God will take your rightful place on the throne of my heart.
The burdens you carry around daily need to be placed at the foot of Calvary and we need to forget them, because Jesus has!
